Bottled at the source.

My window smells all the time. I don't think that's very normal.. One time it smelled like a grilled cheese sandwich, another like cupcakes.. All this while there is nothing of the sort in my whole house. Right now it smells like chicken. eew..

I've been immersing myself in music and reading and candles and -my room- lately, which my mom seems to think is a bad thing. I guess if I'm in my room all the time I'll grow up into a horrible person. Maybe I'm doing drugs up in my room! Oh gods, no! I had to borrow her computer the other day and she thought I was trying to look up porn. ..that's the extent of her trust.. Apparently when it's dark out I can't go on walks alone, even at 6? These walks are a part of me.. I need to be outside.. so now I'll be leaving the house after she's asleep, hoping she doesn't wake up until I'm back. I'm sure seeing how her ideas are helping. No, really! I can see it.. if I squint hard enough.. Oh, wait, my eyes are closed.

Are you more like a musk ox, or a glow-in-the-dark rubber ducky?

I think I'll wear flip-flops to school tomorrow. I mean, what's stopping me? Hmm.. I wonder where they are.. Maybe I'll even wear a skirt! That'd be pretty scary >.< Yeah.. probably no skirt.. *shivers from the eyes - always watching* Distracting myself is quite a past-time.. Tomorrow's friday! I was hoping something would happen, but it looks like nothing is.. I'll probably be here with Molly watching some new "best anime ever" that she got. And making cupcakes. booyah! Katie party should be good times, but I wonder what we'll actually do? My house is kind of boring, besides the piles of stuff and the smelly windows..

And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the moon.

I need new socks! I found a hole in one of my favorite socks :( ..and I can't find the second one, so.. yep. We need to go up to iowa city! This year is the year we'll actually make it to the tulip festival, we need our white dresses! ..and valentines tights, even if it'll be after valentines day. Maybe two girls freakishly racing around the mall right before closing asking every single store if they had them would teach the stores to carry valentines day tights. Maybe.

All day today I've felt like I needed a hug. It seems weird to me, that "needing a hug" is a state of being.. but, to me, it is. I got a few hugs during the day, yeah, but they were just random "I'll put an arm around you really fast and run" hugs.. The only good hug was from my dog, and I was doing the hugging..

Pulled down by the undertow...through all the darkness I feel like letting go..

Okay, I guess I won't be watching fruits basket with mole anymore.. Damn linda for having a birthday tomorrow x.x Rachel wasn't at school today, so I don't know what's happening with the dance I don't want to go to.. Maybe I'll sit at home and shop for corsets and watch weis, hopefully not. I need to film people! So few people caught on tape..

Gar.. it's about time for me to leave for a walk, if I'm going.. I think I should run away some time, just to see how my parents would react. I guess it would be kind of sad, after the fact.. But I've felt so many times that I just want to leave my house, run somewhere.. anywhere.. and where ever I end up, just stay there for a while. I would come back, probably sooner than I would hope since I don't know where I could go that I could stay the night without someone's parents freaking out, or letting my mom know.. meh, just a thought. Oh well, no walk. If I left now I'd end up at someone's house, and I can't do that.. This feeling always scares me, but at least it isn't usually extreme. I can push it aside, at this point. I do that a lot, pushing aside my thoughts and feelings.

When the dust falls, where are -your- crackers? ~#~