Bottled at the source.

today.. or rather yesterday, by now.. really shitty. my dad was going to be in town today, but apparently that couldn't happen and he went back up at four in the morning. I was going to move stuff over, I wanted to get it over with, but now it won't happen for a week. I'm going to take the key he won't let me have and make a copy because I'm a horrible person and I need somewhere to go sit.. He seems to think I'll have a party there, or destroy the place, or something. yay for trust. He was bitching at me today about something he's doing for me that he doesn't have to do, doesn't have the money to do, but won't not do. My mom, on the other hand, has quite a bit of money. Her father's only way he knows to show he feels for something is to send money, so to show that he feels bad about the divorce he sent her a thousand dollars. I guess it's the only way he knows, just like my uncle gave her a trip to california.. A family of people who really know how to get the point across, eh?

Even when I cry there's a smile on my skin.

I went up to a renaissance festival over the weekend, my dad gave me the trip for my birthday. At the last minute he suggested I bring mole, so I did. It was amazing, everything I had hoped for. It's exactly the kind of thing I love, and it was so fun! It was the best (even if I -had- had another) escape from reality I've had in a long time. I love huge gatherings of people who love the same things I do, people who live two or three lives like that.. Personally I have four. My normal life, my by myself life, my con life, and my renfaire life which just got it's first taste of being out in the open.

Right. I was bored enough in the morning to go out and try to work in the garden.. that only lasted about an hour, though. I then switched to blaring music and sketching, which turned to painting another wall, which turned to painting myself. After that... I left. I was with kira rachel and lisa for a couple hours, then they left. Kira's so depressed, it's so horrible.. Anywho, I went to a park. I brought bubbles with me, so I blew a bubble garden and curled up in the middle and watched them all pop.. One stayed for a really long time, it was pretty cool.. Once that was done I realized that my mom had wanted me home half an hour earlier. Yay. As I was walking home I ran into gregory. That wasn't great, I hadn't wanted anyone to see me and I hope he didn't notice quite how bad I was.. It was pretty dark out, maybe the only noticeable thing was that I was trying not to look at him? Smooth move, but what could I really do.. I told him I was headed home, and since he was headed to see tiffany that was that. I wandered the streets for another hour or so, went to my dad's house and sat in the backyard.. When I finally got home my mom hadn't realized it was so late, and I curled up and stared at a wall for a while. I think it was an interesting wall, why else would I have watched it for so long?

..gods, i need a hug so badly..

stop following me, it's not good for..~#~